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When Peter Tomlinson, 56, of Nottinghamshire, was arrested, police found more than 2,000 images and videos of his family undressed and on the toilet.

Vanessa Feltz never made it down the aisle with pop singer Ben Ofoedu despite being engaged for 16 years. The Phats & Small star is clearly in more of a hurry with his new fiancee, Vanessa Brown.

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Tech manufacturers continue misleading consumers with impressive-sounding but less useful specs like milliamp-hours and megahertz, while hiding the one measurement that matters most: watts. The Verge argues that the watt provides the clearest picture of a device's true capabilities by showing how much power courses through chips and how quickly batteries drain. With elementary math, consumers could easily calculate battery life by dividing watt-hours by power consumption. The Verge: The Steam Deck gaming handheld is my go-to example of how handy watts can be. With a 15-watt maximum processor wattage and up to 9 watts of overhead for other components, a strenuous game drains its 49Wh battery in roughly two hours flat. My eight-year-old can do that math: 15 plus 9 is 24, and 24 times 2 is 48. You can fit two hour-long 24-watt sessions into 48Wh, and because you have 49Wh, you're almost sure to get it. With the least strenuous games, I'll sometimes see my Steam Deck draining the battery at a speed of just 6 watts -- which means I can get eight hours of gameplay because 6 watts times 8 hours is 48Wh, with 1Wh remaining in the 49Wh battery. Unlike megahertz, wattage also indicates sustained performance capability, revealing whether a processor can maintain high speeds or will throttle due to thermal constraints. Watts is also already familiar to consumers through light bulbs and power bills, but manufacturers persist with less transparent metrics that make direct comparisons difficult.

Read more of this story at Slashdot.

Paramjit Kaur, 46 has sadly been found dead at a house in Oldbury, West Midlands, with police charging a 50-year-old man with murder.

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TikToker 'kjordyyy' took to social media to explain some of the British quirks that he's found the most 'confusing'.

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President Emmanuel Macron's border chief said returning the illegal settlers would send a clear message they should not risk their lives to make the dangerous crossing.

Today's anonymous submitter worked for a "large, US-based, e-commerce company." This particular company was, some time back, looking to save money, and like so many companies do, that meant hiring offshore contractors.

Now, I want to stress, there's certainly nothing magical about national borders which turns software engineers into incompetents. The reality is simply that contractors never have their client's best interests at heart; they only want to be good enough to complete their contract. This gets multiplied by the contracting firm's desire to maximize their profits by keeping their contractors as booked as possible. And it gets further multiplied by the remoteness and siloing of the interaction, especially across timezones. Often, the customer sends out requirements, and three months later gets a finished feature, with no more contact than that- and it never goes well.

All that said, let's look at some SQL Server code. It's long, so we'll take it in chunks.

-- =============================================================================== -- Author : Ignacius Ignoramus -- Create date: 04-12-2020 -- Description: SP of Getting Discrepancy of Allocation Reconciliation Snapshot -- ===============================================================================

That the comment reinforces that this is an "SP", aka stored procedure, is already not my favorite thing to see. The description is certainly made up of words, and I think I get the gist.

ALTER PROCEDURE [dbo].[Discrepency] ( @startDate DATETIME, @endDate DATETIME ) AS BEGIN

Nothing really to see here; it's easy to see that we're going to run a query for a date range. That's fine and common.

DECLARE @tblReturn TABLE ( intOrderItemId INT )

Hmm. T-SQL lets you define table variables, which are exactly what they sound like. It's a local variable in this procedure, that acts like a table. You can insert/update/delete/query it. The vague name is a little sketch, and the fact that it holds only one field also makes me go "hmmm", but this isn't bad.

DECLARE @tblReturn1 TABLE ( intOrderItemId INT )

Uh oh.

DECLARE @tblReturn2 TABLE ( intOrderItemId INT )

Oh no.

DECLARE @tblReturn3 TABLE ( intOrderItemId INT )

Oh no no no.

DECLARE @tblReturn4 TABLE ( intOrderItemId INT )

This doesn't bode well.

So they've declared five variables called tblReturn, that all hold the same data structure.

What happens next? This next block is gonna be long.

INSERT INTO @tblReturn --(intOrderItemId) VALUES (@_ordersToBeAllocated) /* OrderItemsPlaced */ select intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..Orders o inner join CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi on oi.intOrderId = o.intOrderId where o.dtmTimeStamp between @startDate and @endDate AND intOrderItemId Not In ( /* _itemsOnBackorder */ select intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi inner join CompanyDatabase..Orders o on o.intOrderId = oi.intOrderId where o.dtmTimeStamp between @startDate and @endDate and oi.strstatus='backordered' ) AND intOrderItemId Not In ( /* _itemsOnHold */ select intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi inner join CompanyDatabase..Orders o on o.intOrderId = oi.intOrderId where o.dtmTimeStamp between @startDate and @endDate and o.strstatus='ONHOLD' and oi.strStatus <> 'BACKORDERED' ) AND intOrderItemId Not In ( /* _itemsOnReview */ select intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi inner join CompanyDatabase..Orders o on o.intOrderId = oi.intOrderId where o.dtmTimeStamp between @startDate and @endDate and o.strstatus='REVIEW' and oi.strStatus <> 'BACKORDERED' ) AND intOrderItemId Not In ( /*_itemsOnPending*/ select intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi inner join CompanyDatabase..Orders o on o.intOrderId = oi.intOrderId where o.dtmTimeStamp between @startDate and @endDate and o.strstatus='PENDING' and oi.strStatus <> 'BACKORDERED' ) AND intOrderItemId Not In ( /*_itemsCancelled */ select intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi inner join CompanyDatabase..Orders o on o.intOrderId = oi.intOrderId where o.dtmTimeStamp between @startDate and @endDate and oi.strstatus='CANCELLED' )

We insert into @tblReturn the result of a query, and this query relies heavily on using a big pile of subqueries to decide if a record should be included in the output- but these subqueries all query the same tables as the root query. I'm fairly certain this could be a simple join with a pretty readable where clause, but I'm also not going to sit here and rewrite it right now, we've got a lot more query to look at.

INSERT INTO @tblReturn1 /* _backOrderItemsReleased */ select intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi inner join CompanyDatabase..orders o on o.intorderid = oi.intorderid where oi.intOrderItemid in ( select intRecordID from CompanyDatabase..StatusChangeLog where strRecordType = 'OrderItem' and strOldStatus in ('BACKORDERED') and strNewStatus in ('NEW', 'RECYCLED') and dtmTimeStamp between @startDate and @endDate ) and o.dtmTimeStamp < @startDate UNION ( /*_pendingHoldItemsReleased*/ select intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi inner join CompanyDatabase..orders o on o.intorderid = oi.intorderid where oi.intOrderID in ( select intRecordID from CompanyDatabase..StatusChangeLog where strRecordType = 'Order' and strOldStatus in ('REVIEW', 'ONHOLD', 'PENDING') and strNewStatus in ('NEW', 'PROCESSING') and dtmTimeStamp between @startDate and @endDate ) and o.dtmTimeStamp < @startDate ) UNION /* _reallocationsowingtonostock */ ( select oi.intOrderItemID from CompanyDatabase.dbo.StatusChangeLog inner join CompanyDatabase.dbo.OrderItems oi on oi.intOrderItemID = CompanyDatabase.dbo.StatusChangeLog.intRecordID inner join CompanyDatabase.dbo.Orders o on o.intOrderId = oi.intOrderId where strOldStatus = 'RECYCLED' and strNewStatus = 'ALLOCATED' and CompanyDatabase.dbo.StatusChangeLog.dtmTimestamp > @endDate and strRecordType = 'OrderItem' and intRecordId in ( select intRecordId from CompanyDatabase.dbo.StatusChangeLog where strOldStatus = 'ALLOCATED' and strNewStatus = 'RECYCLED' and strRecordType = 'OrderItem' and CompanyDatabase.dbo.StatusChangeLog.dtmTimestamp between @startDate and @endDate ) )

Okay, just some unions with more subquery filtering. More of the same. It's the next one that makes this special.

INSERT INTO @tblReturn2 SELECT intOrderItemId FROM @tblReturn UNION SELECT intOrderItemId FROM @tblReturn1

Ah, here's the stuff. This is just bonkers. If the goal is to combine the results of these queries into a single table, you could just insert into one table the whole time.

But we know that there are 5 of these tables, so why are we only going through the first two to combine them at this point?

INSERT INTO @tblReturn3 /* _factoryAllocation*/ select oi.intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..Shipments s inner join CompanyDatabase..ShipmentItems si on si.intShipmentID = s.intShipmentID inner join Common.CompanyDatabase.Stores stores on stores.intStoreID = s.intLocationID inner join CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi on oi.intOrderItemId = si.intOrderItemId inner join CompanyDatabase..Orders o on o.intOrderId = s.intOrderId where s.dtmTimestamp >= @endDate and stores.strLocationType = 'FACTORY' UNION ( /*_storeAllocations*/ select oi.intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase..Shipments s inner join CompanyDatabase..ShipmentItems si on si.intShipmentID = s.intShipmentID inner join Common.CompanyDatabase.Stores stores on stores.intStoreID = s.intLocationID inner join CompanyDatabase..OrderItems oi on oi.intOrderItemId = si.intOrderItemId inner join CompanyDatabase..Orders o on o.intOrderId = s.intOrderId where s.dtmTimestamp >= @endDate and stores.strLocationType <> 'FACTORY' ) UNION ( /* _ordersWithAllocationProblems */ select oi.intOrderItemId from CompanyDatabase.dbo.StatusChangeLog inner join CompanyDatabase.dbo.OrderItems oi on oi.intOrderItemID = CompanyDatabase.dbo.StatusChangeLog.intRecordID inner join CompanyDatabase.dbo.Orders o on o.intOrderId = oi.intOrderId where strRecordType = 'orderitem' and strNewStatus = 'PROBLEM' and strOldStatus = 'NEW' and CompanyDatabase.dbo.StatusChangeLog.dtmTimestamp > @endDate and o.dtmTimestamp < @endDate )

Okay, @tblReturn3 is more of the same. Nothing more to really add.

INSERT INTO @tblReturn4 SELECT intOrderItemId FROM @tblReturn2 WHERE intOrderItemId NOT IN(SELECT intOrderItemId FROM @tblReturn3 )

Ooh, but here we see something a bit different- we're taking the set difference between @tblReturn2 and @tblReturn3. This would almost make sense if there weren't already set operations in T-SQL which would handle all of this.

Which brings us, finally, to the last query in the whole thing:

SELECT o.intOrderId ,oi.intOrderItemId ,o.dtmDate ,oi.strDescription ,o.strFirstName + o.strLastName AS 'Name' ,o.strEmail ,o.strBillingCountry ,o.strShippingCountry FROM CompanyDatabase.dbo.OrderItems oi INNER JOIN CompanyDatabase.dbo.Orders o on o.intOrderId = oi.intOrderId WHERE oi.intOrderItemId IN (SELECT intOrderItemId FROM @tblReturn4) END

At the end of all this, I've determined a few things.

First, the developer responsible didn't understand table variables. Second,they definitely didn't understand joins. Third, they had no sense of the overall workflow of this query and just sorta fumbled through until they got results that the client said were okay.

And somehow, this pile of trash made it through a code review by internal architects and got deployed to production, where it promptly became the worst performing query in their application. Correction: the worst performing query thus far.

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